( school bell ringing )
MRS. PUFF: Okay, class, quiet, quiet.
Now, get out your pencils and paper
and write down the assignment.
( class groans )
Did you hear that?
We get an assignment.
Everyone must write an essay on what not to do
at a stoplight.
( all groaning )
Did you hear that?
What not to do at a stoplight!
In no less than 800 words!
( squeal of delight )
( all groaning )
Did you hear that?
800 words?!
Yeah, I know!
Due tomorrow.
And remember, class: work hard and no goofing off.
SPONGEBOB: Okay, Gary, no goofing off!
I am about to write the greatest essay
of all time.
Like most great essays, it will be written
on paper.
Even more important than the paper is...
the pencil.
( bell dings )
A pencil is sharp or as dull as I like.
Hmm, funny, as my ideas grow, you shrink.
( chuckles )
Well, I couldn't have asked
for a more beautiful day to write an essay.
( birds chirping )
Okay, here we go.
"What Not To Do At A Stoplight."
Hey, this is easy.
"By SpongeBob SquarePants."
Ha! This essay is pure gold.
And now, pencil, get ready to do your stuff
because here we go.
( ticking )
Gee...
this is harder than I thought.
( children laughing )
( tooting )
Come on, SpongeBob!
It should be against the law to have to write an essay
on such a super, sailor-iffic, sunshiny day!
Oh!
But I must press onward because with this pencil
and the completion of this essay,
I'll be one step closer to my driver's license.
( tires squealing )
Oh, yeah!
This will be no problemo.
Why, I got plenty of time.
It's only 6:00.
Okay... okay, here we go.
Here we go.
( yells )
I know!
l just need to get a little blood pumping
in the ol' noodle.
How about some calisthenics?
( singsong ): Hup-hoo, hup-hoo, hup-hoo, hup-hoo.
( low-pitched voice ): Hup-hoo, hup-hoo, hup-hoo, hup-hoo.
( high-pitched, squeaky voice ): Hup-hoo, hup-hoo, hup-hoo, hup-hoo.
I can feel those juices pumping now.
( squeak )
( chair squeaking tones )
( rhythmic squeaking )
( gurgling laughter )
Hey! What am I doing?!
I got to write that paper!
( grunting )
Come on, pencil, make words.
( meow )
Gary!
Hey, hey, hey
Gary, how's my favorite mollusk?
How about you let ol' SpongeBob
fix you up something to eat?
( meows )
What do you mean, you're not hungry?
( meows )
I know I have an essay to write!
Now come on, Gary!
( grunts )
l got to make sure you get your nutrition,
so I'm not leaving until you eat every single bite.
( loud chomp, gulp )
( burps )
( squishy slithering )
Gary, a-are you sure you don't want
some crème brulée?
Or-or some choco-flavored algae bits?
( squishes )
Gee, Gary sure made a mess.
I can't work on my essay
knowing there's a mess in the kitchen.
( squeaking )
Hmm...
I might as well clean the rest of the floor
while I'm at it.
( squeaking and whistling )
( groaning ): l should get these hard-to-reach places, too.
And these dishes need to be cleaned.
Can't have dirty garbage.
( clinking )
Well, I think it's clean enough now.
( bell tinkling )
Why, that didn't take too long. lt's only...
10:00!
Oh!
No more fooling around.
I got to get back to work.
Okay, Mr. Essay, I say
prepare to be written!
( dive-bomber whooshing )
( loud thud )
I'm doing it!
Yeah, yeah! Yeah!
And some of these... and some of these...
Almost there and...
( sizzling ) ... done.
( sighs )
Now let's see how it looks so far.
"The..."
Break time!
Pacing always helps me think.
Let's see, only 799 words to go.
Think, SpongeBob, think!
( snorting )
( loud ringing )
( gasping ): W-Who's that?! Wha...? Hello?
Hey, Patrick, what you up to?
Sleeping.
That's really fascinating.
Are you having a good sleep?
Any dreams you'd like to discuss?
I remember on the...
SpongeBob?
You and I both know that you're just using me
as a distraction
so you don't have to write your essay.
( gasping, stammering )
That is not true!
I called to have an engaging conversation with you.
Well, I'm listening.
Uh... Marco...
Polo.
( dial tone )
Yeah, well, I got to get going, Patrick.
Got an important essay to write.
Sheesh, what a chatterbox.
Can't he see that I'm busy?
( chair squeaks )
l can't write with all these eraser shavings
all over my paper.
( grunts )
Now they're floating around my thinking space.
( inhales deeply )
So long, pesky particles.
( twittering squeaks )
( grunting )
( choking )
( gulps, gasps )
I swallowed one!
I'm choking!
( coughing ): Water!
( frantic gulping )
( gasping )
That was a close one.
( meows )
What do you mean,
overly dramatic, Gary?
All that choking sure made me hungry.
( meows )
I can't write on an empty stomach, Gary.
I got to have my brain food.
Now, let's see... white or rye bread?
Or pumpernickel?
Gee, I guess it really depends on the meat inside...
and the cheese.
( doorbell rings )
A visitor?
For me?!
Hello.
Package for Mr. SquarePants.
Great!
Thanks!
So, uh, you like delivering mail?
It puts bread on the table.
Rye or pumpernickel?
( laughing )
Oh, brother.
So, do you deliver your own mail
or do you have your own mailperson?
But then who delivers his mail?
Is there a never-ending chain of mailmen
delivering mail to other mailmen?
Well, I guess a P.O. box
could, in theory, break the chain...
Don't you have a paper to write?
( gulps )
How did he know I'm supposed to be writing an essay?
( blipping )
( slams )
In other news
local resident SpongeBob SquarePants
only has a few hours left to complete his essay
and yet he continues to goof off.
When will he learn?
( screaming )
( glass breaking )
( candle crackles )
( male voice ): Hey, SpongeBob.
Over here.
Come on, take a seat.
Put your feet up and relax.
( bell chiming, gasping )
Oh, no!
Midnight!
( panting heavily )
( alarms ringing )
Must... get... back to desk!
( yells )
Whew!
That was a close call.
( screams )
My pants!
Yoo-hoo.
Down here.
You get up here!
I got to get back to work!
Freedom!
Stop, pants!
You get back here this instant...
pants!
( slams ) ( yells )
( groaning )
( clattering )
Time's... up... SpongeBob.
( gasps )
Burning!
Only 799 words to go!
( sinister laughter )
No!
( screams )
What have I done?!
Help!
Help, my house is on fire!
( jabbering )
( brakes squeal )
SpongeBob, why?!
Why did you set me on fire, SpongeBob?
Why didn't you just write your essay?!
Stop wasting time!
( gasps )
( pops )
Where's my essay?
Oh, there you are.
( laughing )
I must have dozed off.
Let's see, where are we?
Do I dare look at the clock?
( creaking )
( ticking )
( gasping ): It's almost 9:00!
Class starts in five minutes!
How am I going to write this whole paper
in five minutes?!
How am I supposed to know what not to do at a stoplight?
Feeding your snail is something not to do
at a stoplight...
and making a sandwich and-and lighting candles
and drinking water and calling your friends
and karate chopping the TV
and shooting the breeze with the mailman
and falling asleep and...
( panting heavily )
Mrs. Puff!
Mrs. Puff, I'm finished!
All 800 words!
I'm finished!
Here it is!
They... Mrs. Puff?
Where is everybody?
Oh, there you are, SpongeBob.
Here you go, Mrs. Puff.
800 words, all about stoplights and what not to do at them.
I'm sorry, SpongeBob, l tried to call you.
l have to go to a teachers' convention.
But what about my essay?
I decided to cancel the assignment.
We're just going to take a field trip
to a stoplight instead.
See you next week.